Living a life of people pleasing can leave us in a constant cycle of rejection. We can’t and won’t be liked by everyone. When we strive to escape being rejected, we ultimately end up experiencing the thing we are actually striving to avoid – rejection! Living life trying to avoid rejection only increases the intensity of our feelings of rejection.
The need to please, seek approval and care for others generally is rooted fear of being rejected or failure. Our internal voice will say ‘If I don’t make this person completely happy with me, they may stop liking me and then they could leave me or stop caring about me.”
Fear of rejection and the feeling of abandonment are rooted in an early childhood insecure, anxious attachment style that comes from a parent. This style comes from ongoing harsh punishment, frequent criticism and shamed-based parenting styles leading to childhood anxiety.
This anxiety begins to increase in the child when doing tasks, assignments, responsibilities, and engaging relationship. “I need to get everything perfect and finish it all and make sure everyone is happy with me.” This attachment style becomes reenacted throughout all adult relationships and especially those that are intimate relationships.
Are there health effects from being a people pleaser? Absolutely.
For women, people pleasing can put you in high-risk abusive relationships because of persistent pressure, and could not say ’no’.
People pleasing is also directly correlated with over-eating. As with many other vices, people pleasers will eat food in order to cope with stress and emotions, leading to weight gain and unhealthy lifestyles.
Living our life to please others only leads us to lose ourselves. There is no real ‘self’, as defined by you doing things to please YOU. People pleasing is never about your individual needs or wants. Your compass is always pointed in the direction of ‘what others think of YOU’. This leads to:
Start with shifting your focus fully and completely on to you and only you. This means placing priority on your:
December 17th, 2018